More musings on a declutter…by Karen Arthur
‘More musings on the miracle!
At the weekend, I decided to have a bit more of a go at the kitchen. I have been unable to use it properly for years and years. Illness and being stuck in bed for ages destroyed my very fragile routine, not much of a routine but I used to have a few minutes in the morning when I did the washing up, before getting ready to go swimming. There was never much, but it kept the mess at bay to a certain extent. Once this tiny thing stopped, the unwashed things built up and up and up, becoming a mountain of despair and a symbol of my descent into overwhelm and chaos. I had no room to cook, the smell was dreadful, and mould and decay overtook everything.I had a slight burst of activity about eighteen months ago due to a major craving for an egg salad (!) which meant I cleaned a useable pan and the cooker. I also threw away crockery that had become too disgusting to clean, and so many other things that had just become revolting. It felt great. The upkeep of that tiny cleared space lasted about a fortnight, then it all fell away again. The kitchen became even more unusable than before.
When Lizzie started helping me in the rest of the house, I decided to clear all the dead plants and detritus from the kitchen window sill. I bought some cacti and used the huge mugs and lovely pots and bowls to put their pots in. It looks gorgeous, and this became a symbol of what I was aiming for in the whole house. A statement of intent. I have never been able to keep houseplants alive for long, but figured cacti are very forgiving and maybe I could try again. I hadn’t been able to use the kitchen table for years, it was piled up about two feet with random stuff. Next to it was Queenie’s puppy crate (she’s six now) also piled up with stuff. So much stuff. Lizzie helped me clear this away, and now I can eat my meals at the table! After her visit last week, my feeling of elation was massive!
So. On Saturday I thought I would do more. I ended up emptying the cupboards (how long does it take a tin of food to become eight years out of date?) of all the unused pans, plastic things,tins, mixing bowls, utensils... cleaning the cupboards and making them usable again, clearing and cleaning the worktops, filling so many sacks with rubbish, and guess what? It’s all completely done! I have been too excited to sleep, so am completely knackered! I can’t wait to show Lizzie.
This all led to thinking about why I am feeling such extraordinary levels of joy about all of this. It really is like being presented with a completely new house that I have never seen before. The realisation dawned on me that when I bought the house, did the renovations and built the kitchen extension, I was living in such a dreadful state of trauma, loss and turmoil, that I had absolutely no access to joy whatsoever, only grief and terror. So now I understand that the years of therapy have once again opened the door to hope and happiness, and I can revel in the excitement and wonder about my house finally becoming the home it always wanted to be!
Eating my meals at the table is a symbol of all things good.’ KA